It was a little after midnight in Florence, Italy. I had squeezed the last drop of pleasure from my 9-day visit to the city I have grown to love from somewhere deep in my soul. My plane was leaving at 6:00 a.m. so it was time to head back to the apartment I had rented and get a few hours of sleep before the long journey home.
This apartment was just a block or two outside of the busy tourist square of Santa Croce. The street was somewhat dark late at night, but the building was quiet and secure. I felt completely safe in the neighborhood and I had enjoyed the opportunity to live more like a local and less like a tourist. So as I walked out of the well-lit square and headed down the darkened street, I thought nothing of my safety.
There were some very drunk, very happy, Italian college guys behind me and another man, about 30 or 35 years old walking just slightly ahead of me and off to the side. I was lost in thought about my beautiful experiences in my soul city over the past week and a half, feeling sad to leave, and laughing at the antics of the guys behind me, when I noticed that the other man had slowed his pace and was now walking almost next to me. I slowed down, let him walk ahead again, paused on the side of the street and let the drunk college guys pass me, creating a buffer of sorts between me and the man.
For the first time in all the time I had spent in Florence, I felt uneasy. I tightly grasped the old-fashioned skeleton key that I would use to enter my apartment in between my fingers like a weapon. I could see the door to my building a few steps ahead. As I slowed down, preparing to unlock the door, I saw the man turn his head just slightly towards me, then he moved off to the side and stopped just past my door, letting the college guys pass. Once again, there was no one between us.
True terror filled me. My hands were shaking as I shoved the key in the lock, pushed the door open and slammed it behind me. Immediately after I slammed the door, someone -- I assume it was the man (who else could it be?) -- began knocking on the door, the pounding becoming more and more insistent as I ran up the stairs to my first floor apartment. It was like every nightmare I've ever had where it felt like I was running through quicksand, only this time, it was very much real. I shoved my way into my apartment, locked the door, then collapsed on the bed sobbing.
I have been afraid a few times in my life, but I have never experienced fear like that. I am not sure what would have happened if I hadn't slammed the door to the building fast enough, but there's not a doubt in my mind that the man would have pushed his way in. Did he want to rob me? Did he want to harm me physically? There is no way to know.
The next morning, as my plane lifted off, taking me away from the city that I love, I cried many tears. Some were tears of sadness to be leaving, but others were tears of anger and frustration that fear had crept in and tarnished my love.
Usually I am good at recognizing the lesson in an experience after I have some time and distance, but in this case, I am still struggling with what the Universe had in mind that night. What am I supposed to learn? So this time, instead of sharing the wisdom that I gained from a particular experience, I invite you to share with me. What am I missing?
Feel free to reply in the comments below, or on Facebook where I will post the link to this blog. I look forward to your insights.
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